When talked turned to families last night, the Housemates remembered Rhianna. A conversation immediately started about single parent families and – through natural progression – HMs shared their views on working Mums and Dads.
Travis attacked the ‘Before and After School’ programs, telling the group that he thought the extracurricular care diminished the family unit. “It’s better to have your Mum there with you before and after school there. Like cooking your breakfast and dinner …”
Single Mum Terri didn’t like what she was hearing and piped up for Travis to quiet down. “I’ve known mothers that have been home with their kids all the time and the kids have grown up no better.
“The more time you have, the less time you spend with your kids. So when you’ve got limited time, you’ll make sure you spend that limited time with your kids. Seriously.”
“My Mum said that love is spelt T – I – M – E.” Ben put his five cents in.
“Am I a good kid Travy?” Alice asked, mildly offended at Travis’ insinuation that stay-at-home parents were somehow “better” than working parents.
“What do you mean?” Travis asked.
“I had babysitters ‘til like after bedtime,” Alice confessed. “I didn’t see my parents most of my school.”
“I didn’t say you’d grow up to be a bad kid or a good kid,” Travis qualified, “I just said from a kids perspective …”
“You’re digging a hole,” Terri warned.
“No. I’m not digging a hole,” Travis argued.
Terri put her foot down, “You are!”
“It’s better if you’ve got your Mum there with you cooking your breakfast,” Travis pressed. “You don’t get that experience of eating with your Mum. I really like eating with my Mum.”
Terri and Alice both pointed out that “eating with your Mum” doesn’t ultimately alter who you become while Rory pointed out to Travis that what he was saying was a sweeping statement.
“You gotta admit there’s a lot of bonding experience to have around the dinner table,” Travis reasoned.
Rory wasn’t admitting anything and removed himself from the conversation. Trudging away from the group, Terri backed Rory up: “Some people never bond with their Mum.”
“I would have loved to have dinner with my Mum but I couldn’t,” Alice said. “I don’t have a distant relationship from her.”
“I wasn’t saying that,” Travis articulated. “I was saying in an ideal world …”
“But my world was ideal,” Alice tried to alter Travis’ perspective. “If my parents hadn’t have worked hard, I wouldn’t be able to go to school and maybe wouldn’t have become a vet.”
“In an ideal world …” Travis began again.
“There’s no ideal world Travis,” Terri interrupted.
“Can you see where I’m coming from?” Travis asked the gathering.
“I can understand that – yes – it is a bonding experience,” Alice said. “But I’m not saying that’s a better or more ideal way of living ... You can’t say it’s better or more ideal.”
“I know that when I have my kids I’d like to be there to have dinner with them, to have breakfast with them,” Travis was flushing red.
“That’s great,” Alice encouraged. “That’s what you had and that made your world ideal. My world has been ideal but mine was the other end of the spectrum … People do jump on you Travy because saying ‘it is in an ideal world’ or ‘it is better,’ it’s not. It’s just a different way of doing an ‘ideal’.”
Terri chimed in to explain she believed “quality of time” was the key – not “quantity”, and that her kids had said some of the best conversations they’d had with their Mum was when she worked for 12 hours a day.
Travis – talked out of his opinion by both Terri and Alice – fell silent and processed what had just happened, finally concluding that: “there’s no perfect way for parenting.”
